Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
