I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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