had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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