I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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