What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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