I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
