You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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