Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
