My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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