no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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