I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Ladies don't puke and tell
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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