i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
