She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
