why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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