can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
