mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
