K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
