i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
