I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
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