Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
