We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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