Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
