Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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