Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
