3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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