it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
