no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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