bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
