If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
