you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize