I want you more than these girls want KFC
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
