There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
