I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
They are going to name an STD after you.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
