I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize