I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
