Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
