I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
