I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
