Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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