Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
