Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
