Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You are a genius and a whore.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize