I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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