Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
