Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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