remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
