You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
