I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
