the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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