yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
