PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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