I wanna passion pit in your ass
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
