I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
