I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
