Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
