No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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