Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize