I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
