it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Even my vagina gasped.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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