Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
