woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
bring money and cleavage
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
