i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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