Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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