A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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