You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
