If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
