Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
