my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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