Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
