I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
