New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize