The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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