u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
