I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize