Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
