i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
