I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
