Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize