I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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