Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
