oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
