I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
