I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
