If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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