My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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