Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i drank out of a bidet.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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