eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize