well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
