Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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