And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
