Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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