Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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