her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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