2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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