look no pants
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize