if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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