Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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