We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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