I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
