so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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