He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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