Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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